


The Heimlich is Romantic, I guess?

by Justanothershortstory_sofar



Series: PressVerse [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, PressVerse shorts, it's a proposal y'all, okay yes I would die for keyleth yes, pressverse, vax is not good at proposing, vax'leth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 15:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18607537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justanothershortstory_sofar/pseuds/Justanothershortstory_sofar
Summary: Vax has spent the last month preparing the greatest, most romantic proposal for Keyleth.  (He’s got some competition, considering his sister was proposed to in the snow on New Years by a fucking prince of a minor European nation-state who flew halfway around the world for her)  It is, without a doubt, completely and utterly romantic.  But, of course, nothing is ever going to go perfectly.





	The Heimlich is Romantic, I guess?

“Keyleth.”  Vax leans over his girlfriend and kisses her cheek.  It’s still dark outside, nearing four in the morning.  He hadn’t slept, the anticipation of the little black velvet box in his pocket too exciting.  

She groans, wiping long red hair from her face.  

“Kiki.” 

“What.”  

“Get up, I have a surprise for you.”  He hands her a ceramic mug. “I also made you coffee.” 

“Babe, this is not the time nor place for a surprise.”  

“You’re going to love it, I promise.  Besides, you normally get up in an hour anyway.”  He rubs her shoulders. “Come on!” 

“A very important hour of sleep… Fine.”  Keyleth takes a sip of coffee. “Just because you’re cute.  What should I wear?”

“Think athleisure.”  Vax pulls on a black hoodie from his dresser.  “Comfy, but cute.” 

“Mm.  So you don’t want me to wear the really sweaty stuff?”  Keyleth gets up, turning on the soft bedside lamp. 

“I mean, do you want to wear the sweaty stuff?”  Vax motions to the not-so-little pile of clothing on the floor of their closet, all from Keyleth’s evening yoga classes.  

“No.”  She laughs, pulling a baby soft raglan tee over her head.  “Where are we going?” 

“Not far.”  

“Are we… staying on Manhattan?”  

“No.  I got a car.”  

“A car?”  Keyleth squirts toothpaste onto her toothbrush.  “Fancy.” 

The ring was burning a hole in his jacket pocket while he drove to the surprise.  Vax had wanted to shop with Vex, but with her traveling and coping with morning sickness, they had resorted to Vax video calling her and holding his phone over the jewelry case.  There was some arguing, some realizing that neither of them really knew much about shopping for engagement rings. Vax came away from the store with a thin-banded light gold ring with an amber-colored stone in a black velvet box.  

He took hold of Keyleth’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze.  He stole looks at her, illuminated by the moonlight. Her hair was pulled up into two buns, little red tendrils with minds of their own falling against her neck.  

Vax was pretty sure Keyleth would say yes.  Pretty sure. But he still wanted this to be perfect in every possible way.  

As the sky begins to lighten, Vax pulls the car over.  

“Okay, we’re here.” 

Keyleth slides her coat back on, rubbing her hands together to warm them.   “What’s the surprise, Vax?” 

“We’re going to watch the sunrise.  From a very good viewpoint.” 

A hot air balloon procured online awaited them, bobbing a few inches above the damp grass.   

The operator Vax had booked the ride with greeted them, giving them a hand on board the basket.  Slowly, the balloon begins to rise and the ground shrinks. The sky is painted with reds and oranges now as the sun peaks the horizon.  Off in the distance, Vax can squint and almost see Manhattan. It’s perfect, just how he imagined it. His heart begins to pound, there’s no way Keyleth doesn’t hear it, it’s like a drum going faster and faster, louder and louder.

“Oh wow,”  Keyleth says, softly.  Her eyes are trained on the rising sun.  “It’s beautiful, Vax.” 

“Yeah?”  He checks again, making sure the ring is still there.  It is. 

“Oh god.”  In the morning light, she almost looks… greenish?  

“You alright?”  

“I looked down.  And now I’m going to be sick.”  

Suffice it to say, this was not perfect.  Vax left the ring in his pocket and rubbed Keyleth’s back until they were back on the ground, the sky no longer a perfect shade of orange-pink.  

 

“Care to meet for lunch, love?”  So begins The Proposal, attempt number two.  Hot air balloons were a definite no, but a good first attempt nonetheless.  Keyleth had agreed that morning, so Vax took the morning off, coming to the park by her office with a picnic basket filled with bread and cheese.  Vax had even gotten a red and white checked picnic basket and a little radio ready to play romantic French music. 

Keyleth met him in the park, kicking off her wedge heels.  It was, admittedly, a little too cold for a picnic, normally.  But partly because of general global warming and partly because it was just one of those balmy September days, they were getting away with it.  

She leaned down, giving him a kiss.  

“We should do this more when it gets warm again!”  She sits down, smoothing wrinkles out of her olive green pencil skirt.   “This is so cute, babe.” 

“Definitely.”  He hands her a slice of bread. 

“It’s warm!”  She laughs. Vax sat there, dumbfounded by her for a moment.  She was so happy with the smallest things. He could, probably, just give her the ring right now and she’d say yes.  But he’d already set up for something great. 

His phone dings- the confirmation timing text from the skywriting company he’d shelled out 3,500 dollars for.   Operation: Propose to Keyleth was a go. 

The plane sputtered across the clear blue sky, a little red dot in the sky.  

Keyleth leaned against his chest, looking up at the sky.  

“Is that a skywriter?”  She squints. 

“Maybe,”   Vax says as the plane begins to write.  To his dismay, the plane’s writing comes out shaky and not consistently, turning the phrase “Will you marry me, Keyleth?” to something akin to “W u mar me, Keylib?”  

“What is it saying?”  

“Honestly, I have no clue.”  Vax puts the ring away before she can see.  He’s going to need to get that money back. 

 

Vax is covered in flour and cocoa powder, and more than a little stressed.  Dinner was fine, easy. Keyleth really liked pasta, so a mushroom ragu with plenty of pearl onions and red wine wasn’t too hard to formulate and execute.  Dessert, on the other hand, was never Vax’s forte. After an hour of reading through recipes and painstakingly weighing all his dry ingredients, Vax has a pan of perfect looking brownie batter.  He has tempered chocolate, set in a spherical mold, and ice cream all ready to go. 

Before Keyleth gets home, he gets dressed in something a little nicer than his usual band tees and ripped black jeans.  Still all black, to hide any errant brownie batter stains. He runs a comb through his hair and takes the ring in its black velvet box, keeping it in a kitchen drawer for the right moment.  

“Babe!  Work was so wild.  Jane brought this new hot sauce to work today from the farmer’s market, it was so good.  We really need to get some.” Keyleth shrugged off her blazer, draping it on a chair. “Smells amazing in here.  And looks good too.” 

“Well, I figure you always look so beautiful, and it would be nice to have a date night tonight. Just you and me, and a mushroom ragu.”  

“Sounds perfect.”

“That was the goal!”  With this, and the prior two attempts.  He should have started with this from the beginning, nothing spectacular other than the food, nothing public.   Once dinner was finished, and Keyleth moved to the living room with a glass of wine, it was time for the surprise.  Vax pulled a warm, gooey brownie from the oven. He scooped pistachio (Keyleth’s favorite) ice cream over top. Gingerly, making sure she didn’t see, he took the ring out of the box and set it on top.  The tempered chocolate half-sphere from before is set on top, and, warm chocolate ganache in hand, Vax takes the dessert and ring to Keyleth. 

“You never do dessert, Vax.”  Keyleth takes the plate in both hands. “It is dessert, right?”  

Vax nods. “I wanted to try something new.  Watch this.” 

Carefully, Vax pours the sauce over the cold chocolate.  In theory, it should melt immediately. In practice, it’s closer to about a minute.  The ring is mostly covered in chocolate, but the stone is shining a little bit. Vax reaches for a napkin to wipe it closed.  

“It’s so good,”  Keyleth mutters, spoon resting on her lower lip.  

“Did you just try it?”  Vax looks back. Where was the ring?

Keyleth nods.  

“Babe.  Why. Uh.  Don’t swallow.  There was something in there.”  

Keyleth slowly removes the ring from her mouth, setting it down on the plate with a clatter.    

“Uh.  Guess that’s on me for sticking it in ice cream.”  Vax wipes it clean. 

“I’ll pretend I don’t know what that is.”  Keyleth bites her lip. 

“Are you disappointed?  We can try this again, babe.”   

Keyleth starts to laugh.  “Vax. This is the most us way you could have proposed.”

“I wanted it to be perfect.  And the balloon was too much and not right, and the skywriter had some severe spelling problems I did not discern from previous emails, and now the brownie…”  

“You think I didn’t know what was going on?”  Keyleth wipes her eyes. “Come on. Don’t you have a speech prepared?”  

“Kinda.  Okay, here goes.”  Vax takes the ring, dropping to one knee.  “Keyleth, I love you. I love you so much that I made an idiot of myself three times in the last two weeks alone trying to say this to you.  I have made an idiot of myself almost every time I see you from the day we met, and will probably continue to be a fool around you. So. Keyleth Zephrah, my best friend, my love, will you marry this idiot who stuck your ring in pistachio ice cream and expected you to not eat it?”  

Keyleth laughs, filling the warm room with joy.  “Yes, Vax’ildan, I will.” 

As he slides the still slightly sticky ring on her finger, Vax realizes he was wrong: he didn’t need the perfect proposal, he didn’t need to spend so much time making everything just right.  He needed to spend more time on the ring: it was completely, utterly the wrong size. 

Fuck.  

“Still going to marry you.  We’ll worry about this tomorrow.”  She was perfect enough for the two of them.  

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick follow up to Mistletoe and Whitestone 1 and 2! (Number 3 is on the way soon, I promise!)   
> If you want to know how it's going so far, as well as other fic updates and the flotsam of my brain, you can find all this and more on my Tumblr @zoetriestobecoolbutnope).
> 
> XOXO,  
> Just


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